Godless Monkeys

98.567231% of responses to Mason’s interview in the Dallas Morning News have been positive.  It is the remaining 1.432769% that bugs me. I should just shoo off theses pesky neighborly warnings of hellfire like gnats at a summer lawn party, but it isn’t so easy.   Because these gnats are swarming about my only child. These gnats are attacking my personal freedom as a parent.  These gnats are so persistent and just plain annoying.

Gnat #1 (reader comment):
[...] Yes there is a GOD. The evidence is overwhelming, and someday after death, we will stand before Him: “So then every one of us shall give account of himself to GOD”. Romans 14:12. Since Adam and Eve believed the lie of Satan the Devil and not their Creator, that brougt Sin on the entire human race. So GOD the Heavenly Father loved us: “For GOD so loved the world, that He gave His only Begotten Son (Jesus Christ, that whosoever Believeth in Him should not perish but have Everlasting Life. Christ was born, teached the “Good News of His Kingdom (Heaven, hated because He told the Truth and Crucified,was buried and resurrected the third day as He had said. He was sinless, so He had to be the sacrifice for the entire human race, for the remission or forgiveness of our sins which the first humans had caused, shedding His precious blood. And the devil hates this so much that he is deceiving this whole world, Revelation 12:9, he’s also known as the serpent and the great dragon. He and his hordes of evil spirit beings wants humans in Hell like they’ll be. He’s temporarly ruling this world until GOD sends Jesus Christ back to this earth to judge all humans for their sins or disobedience. If we do not Believe in Christ, we will die in our sins and be eternally lost. Christ commands us to REPENT of our sins and receive Him as your Saviour, then you’ll go to Heaven when you die. In John 14:6, Christ Himself says, “I am the way, the Truth and the Life, no man(mankind)comes to the Father but by Me”. The choice is ours;Heaven or Hell. They’re both real.

Gnat #2 (local Tea Party website):
[ … More interesting would’ve been a few words from the girl’s flaming atheist mom, who was right there. (Are we to believe li’l Mason is flying solo?) … And why not ask Mason about Islam? She denies only Jesus and Buddha here. Why not: Is Muhammad a fairy tale too, sweetheart? Like Santy Clause? (Oh, I know. No use getting the girl’s head lopped off.) […] Cheers and Go Conservatives!

Gnat #3 (letter to the Editor):
Mason Crumpacker stated that we evolved from tiny little microscopic cells. I presume she was addressing
the question of the origin of humans. She also stated that it’s good to question things and to question people’s
beliefs. In that spirit, I would like to ask her the following questions: (1) How did the “microscopic cells” come
to be in existence; and (2) What or who caused the start of the evolutionary process?
Perhaps Tod Robberson can do a follow-up Q & A with her to answer those questions and thus enhance our
understanding of evolution.


And, yes! There are many, many more of these noisome insects with their buggy-eyes and creepy feelers on my parenting choices.

In “What’s Wrong with Ray Comfort” I introduced the topic of logical fallacies.  To my mind logical fallacies serve as a sort of  grammar for the language of argument and debate.  A certain savoir dire. Just as with writing, it is best to speak from the heart with passion and clarity when defending your point of view, but form is important.  Grammar rules are meant to be broken, but if you are ignorant of the rules themselves you risk sounding… well, ignorant.

But logical fallacies aren’t just weapons for the verbal offensive—they gird you against sneak attacks.  Gnat #1- argument from authority.  Gnat #2- ad hominem attack. Gnat #3- red herring.  It makes me feel better, and stronger with my trusty bag of logical fallacies close at hand.

I am proud to be a godless monkey and glad I don’t live in a demon haunted world.  To my critics, I offer a hand of friendship and support if you ever desire to see the beauty of this life—without sin.  As godless monkeys do.

Share these letters with your little monkeys. Remember, these are the same attacks your own children are liable to face. Teach logical fallacies at home the way Hogwarts professors teach magic spells, because just like Harry Potter, your child must be prepared for what the world may bring. As evidence: all these letters are from ADULTS to a nine-year-old little girl who simply spoke her own mind. Shameful!

About Anne Crumpacker

I like to read. I also like science, art and drama. I like really big numbers, but I don’t understand them. I like kids and being silly, but sometimes I feel serious and that’s when I like thinking BIG THOUGHTS. You can visit me @ SocraticMama.com
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4 Responses to Godless Monkeys

  1. Michael Fisher says:

    Stolen from the net:

    Start with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water. After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result — all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.

    Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.

    Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm! Likewise, replace a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth.

    Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is attacked. Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.

    After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana. Why not? Because as far as they know that’s the way it’s always been done around here

    And that, my friends, is how company policy begins

    • Phaenarete says:

      The Pot Roast Story

      There was a young woman who moved out into her own house. While living at home, she never cooked. Upon the move, she returned home to learn how to cook a few dishes. One of her favorite recipes was Pot Roast. So she asks her mother to show her how to cook one.

      The mother begins to share her expertise with the daughter. She tells her to salt and pepper the meat well. To make sure the vegetables are all cut the same size. Just before the mom places the roast in the pan, she picks up a knife and cuts about a ¼ of an inch of roast from each end. Then she places the meat in the pan.

      The daughter stops her mom. “Mom, I understand why we cut the vegetables the same size – that way they’ll cook uniformly. And I know the reason we salt and pepper the meat all over – and rather heavily, is so the whole roast will absorb the flavor of the seasonings. But why did you cut a little bit off each end of the roast before you placed it in the pan?”

      “Because that’s what you do”, said the mom.
      “But why?”, questioned the girl.
      “Does it help it cook better?”
      “Well, I do it this way, because that’s the way my Mom taught me”, said the mother. “But I’m not really sure why we cut the ends off. Next time we go to visit we’ll ask her.”

      Several months later the family gathers at Grandma’s house for dinner. As grandma prepares the meal the mother and daughter are in the kitchen with her. The daughter asks her grandmother, “Grandma, you’re such a good cook, and I know you passed all your methods on to Mom, but I can’t figure out why we cut the ends off of the pot roast before we cook it.” The grandmother turned to her granddaughter and said, “What are you talking about? I don’t cut the ends off before I cook it.” At this point the mother jumps into the conversation and says, “Yes you do! The time you showed me how to make pot roast, you started to put it in the pan, and then you put the roast back on the cutting board and cut about a 1/4 inch off each end of the roast. I’ve been doing it that way ever since”, she declared!

      The grandmother stared at her daughter in amazement. “Every time you cook a pot roast you cut a ¼ inch off the ends? Every single time?” “Yes!” She answered her mother. “Every – single – time, just like you showed me.” “Honey, all I can say is you’ve been wasting a lot of good meat over the years. The only time I ever cut the ends off the roast is if it’s too big for the pan!”

  2. Ian says:

    It’s a shame that your daughter should be attacked in this manner, or indeed at all. However adults, especially ignorant ones, always appear to feel threatened by children, especially those who are intelligent. And when Mason made her views clear that religion is merely a comfort blanket and about as viable as ‘the Kings new suit of clothes’. and lets face it children do have an unnerving habit of seeing through the BS and asking the awkward questions. And there does come a time when, ‘because I say so’ ceases to work!!

    A few months ago I came across this blog: Pandaemonium by Kevan Malik and specifically this post: The Poetry of an Old Atheist. It relates to a freethinker Abul Ala Al-Ma’arri, whjo lived in what is now Syria towards the end of the 10thC.

    I like this piece:

    They all err—Moslems, Jews,
    Christians, and Zoroastrians:
    Humanity follows two world-wide sects:
    One, man intelligent without religion,
    The second, religious without intellect.


    I hope you enjoy them.


  3. Ian says:

    Ooops! Finger trouble again! The name is Kenan Malik.

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